7 SCIENTIFIC REASONS WHY WE SELF SABOTAGE

By Kritika Joshi, Freelance Contributor

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
We all get in our way of intent occasionally and some may do it repeatedly, whether it’s procrastinating drinking or overeating. Self sabotaging behaviours are such damaging behaviours which create problems and interfere with long standing goals. They are actions that get in the way of achieving your goals.
Following are 7 reasons why we self sabotage
1. CONTROL

A thing that always feels good is having control of your own life, especially the failures. It feels better to control your own failure than to let it blindside you. Self – sabotage isn’t pretty, but it’s a dignified alternative to spinning out of control. Reaching for something, desperately working something and it not working out would be more humiliating and damaging than if you just burnt it all down yourself in the first place.

2. SELF WORTH-

Dr. Ellen Hendrickson puts it, “People like to be consistent- our actions tend to be in sync with our beliefs and values.” When they aren’t in sync we make efforts to line them up. If we start to rack up the victories and accomplishments, yet still view ourselves as flawed and worthless, we “pull the plug” to get rid of dissonance. Most common ways of doing this is by procrastinating, or numbing oneself through alcohol, binge eating or even general recklessness.

3. BOREDOM-

People do actually self sabotage when they are bored. Yes, sometimes we indulge in activities in activities that are considered to be “destructive” only because we are bored of our lives. Boredom can either be due to uninteresting work to do or due to no work. Sometimes we self sabotage simply to push buttons.

4. FAMILIARITY-

We all like to be consistent. We tend to choose consistency over our own contentment and happiness. If you’re used to being neglected, abused, ignored, or exploited, it’s oddly comforting to keep putting yourself in that position. You’ve probably been there your whole life, and while you may not be happy, that which you know is preferable to the unknown. This familiarity removes out the fear of failure.

5. ALLOCENTRIC-

It is to care about what others think of us. If your tribe members decided to kick you out of the camp, your chances of survival alone in the “wild” would be tiny. Taking everything so seriously, especially other people’s opinions can be another common cause of self sabotaging. We waste so much precious time and energy worrying about what other people think about the things we do. We will stress out over every little detail, comment, or choice because we worry what will s/he think? We shouldn’t have the emotional capital to spend on it. So give yourself a break from it; you’ve earned it.

6. SCAPEGOATING-

If things aren’t resolved (or when they aren’t resolved, because that’s the only option, right?), we can blame the action instead of ourselves. Of course she left me — I was never around. Of course I failed the class — I barely studied for any exams. While these reasons may be true, they are more frivolous, and easier to come to terms with and swallow than the deeper reasons we only believe to be true. Of course she left me — I’m not worthy of love. Of course I failed the class — I’m incapable of grasping the material.

7. PERCEIVED FRAUDULENCE-

As the stakes get higher and higher—you ascend to ever more rare levels of education, take on more responsibility at work, or do something that raises your public profile—you feel you only have farther to fall. You think if you call attention to yourself by being successful, it’ll be more likely that you’re called out as a fraud. You may push hard and go big, but worry you’ll be revealed at any moment. Either way, feeling like a fake is a one-way ticket to procrastination and getting distracted—if you’re faced with a task that makes you feel like a big fat fraud, it’s a lot more appealing to check Twitter, or realize you’ve never made banana bread from scratch and, by gosh.

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12 WAYS TO DEVELOP A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE

by Avnie Garg, Freelance Contributor

Self-image is the way you perceive yourself. It is independent of what people think about you. A positive self-image is a pre-requisite to a successful life. Practice the following ways to view yourself in a positive light:-

  1. Discover your inner strengths 

 

Inner strengths consist of will power, concentration level, self- discipline, peace of mind, mental resilience. Try exploring them by indulging in challenging activities, practicing mindfulness, doing unusual tasks or deviating from the routine. Once you acquaint yourself with your inner strengths, you’ll experience a positive self-image which will bolster your confidence.

 

  1. Accept yourself

    You need to accept yourself the way you are. As a human you, like everyone else, have a set of both strengths and weaknesses. You may have succeeded in some situations and failed in others. Realize that all these situations in life eventually made you a better person. So shun the need to be like others and accept yourself in every way

3. Visualize yourself victorious

 

Stand in front of the mirror and imagine yourself emerging as a champion in a specific activity you are going to take part in or generally in life. These positive visualizations will enhance your positive self-image as you will ultimately find these visualizations take the shape of reality.

  1. Pamper yourself

    Accept it or not, you experience a sense of inflated self-image when you dress up nicely. So pamper yourself with good clothes, nice hair style and the accessories you like because just thinking that you look good gives a necessary boost to your self-image.

  1. Do what interests you  

find some time to do the things that interest you. If you were good at something but did not pursue it then, then go for it now. Indulging in the activities that you like makes you feel happy and worthwhile. You are never too busy to find time for your hobbies. You are never too old to follow your passion.

6. Avoid taking blame for others’ faults

Do not be a scapegoat i.e. do not take responsibility for the wrong doings of others. It can cause negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, grief, insecurity etc. Expose the abuser if you are being made an easy target by someone covertly. Thus to avoid personal costs do not fall into the trap of scapegoating.

7. Make affirmations

Practice daily affirmations like “I am blessed”, “I am strong”, “I have a balanced life”, “I am a beautiful creation of God”. Such affirmations have proved to be life changing for people. They are one of the best ways to develop a positive self-image .You may repeat them several times a day from the moment you wake up to the time you go to sleep.

8. Care for your body

Go for a walk. Exercise daily. Get the required hours of sleep. Follow a healthy (but not boring) diet. Caring for your body will keep you happy and you will picture yourself as a fit and healthy person. This creates a positive self-image that will last longer than you think.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others

– You are unique and separate entity in this world. Your accomplishments and failures are independent of those of others. There will always be someone better than you. You will always be better than some people. Your competition is with yourself and not with others. So focus on being a better version of yourself and not a reflection of others.

10. Pat yourself on the back

– Congratulate yourself for small achievements like completing an assignment on time or planning a birthday party perfectly. Celebrate the small stuff to increase your level of confidence. Let happiness flow in your life.

11. Bring out the benevolent in you

– Help others whenever you can without expecting anything in return. You have a kind and compassionate heart and you can empathize with people easily. Indulging in humanitarian tasks will give you a healthy self-image and you will like yourself more as you see yourself putting a smile on someone else’s face.

12. Indulge in self- praise

– There may be some instances in your life where you failed and couldn’t accomplish what you wanted to. Refrain from criticizing yourself for the failure and praise yourself for all the accomplishments, however big or small. List the things you like in yourself. Read and re-read them. Treat yourself kindly.

Love yourself

Avnie Garg is a student of Panjab University and has worked as a
journalist and website content writer. She has completed a bachelor’s
degree with honors in Psychology. Due to her deep understanding of
the subject, she was chosen as the President of Psychology Society
‘Manojigyasa’ in her college. She recognizes the importance of
psychology in building relationships, communicating effectively,
developing confidence and puts psychological principles to use in
everyday life. She likes to spend some part of her day in meditation and
firmly believes in the power of positive affirmations. 
E-mail: avnie.g@gmail.com

 

 

10 Ways In Which Music Therapy Can Heal Your Life

 

By Anjali Maini, freelance contributor 

 

“Music is probably the only real magic I have encountered in my life. There’s not some trick involved with it. It is pure and it’s real. It moves, it heals, it communicates and does all these incredible things”- Tom Petty

Music therapy is an established psychological clinical intervention, which is delivered by trained therapist to help people suffering from psychological,emotional, physical and cognitive issues. Here are 10 ways in which music therapy can heal your life:

 

1. Stress buster

The Chances are that at some point in life you have experienced work or academic stress. The soothing effect of music has the power to heal any kind of stress. Music therapy improves your mood, vitality, self-esteem and personality. In turn these improvements lead to stress reduction. Music therapy promotes relaxation of tense muscles, enabling you to easily release some of the tension you carry from stressful events which in turn enables your mind to relax.

 

2. Enhances work performance

It has been observed that interns and employees in the corporate world work really hard. But sometimes hard work doesn’t pay back. If it’s happening with you then it’s a good option to take a music therapy session. Various researches have proved that music therapy sessions at workplace can increase your dedication towards work and in turn facilitate your performance.

 

3. Concentration Booster

Listening to music stimulates the brain and the body mind connection and reactivates brain, prompt memory and improves concentration. According to a study published in August 2007, by Stanford University “Music engages with those areas of brain which are responsible for concentration, prediction and updating events in the brain.

 

4. Give Birth To A Creative And Intellectual Mind

Music therapy itself is a creative tactic of healing your mind, body and soul. Thus it effortlessly gives birth to innovative brain functioning. Music could also make us enter into a “wandering” mode. this wandering mode enables us to daydream or imagine things, which stimulates our creative side. Moreover music therapy may also help one to increase their intellectual power as some researches have shown that it increases our brain plasticity.

 

5. Pumps Down High Levels Of Aggression

Music therapy brings a kind of peace in your mind and body that can pacify both of them. It directs your energy in a positive direction and thus lower high levels of aggression. In today’s world where anger management is a huge problem, music therapy can play a remedial role. People who suffer with high aggression issues can adopt this therapy.

 

6. Remedy For Emotional Pain

Music therapy can heal inner sufferings of the soul without having to actually talk them through. Even a few sessions of music therapy can lower the symptoms of mild depression and anxiety. Various researches and case studies have proved that music therapy helps patients suffering from depression and anxiety to recover fast. Music therapy helps patients suffering from depression and anxiety by lowering their emotional and psychological stress levels and and their need to use drugs. It increases their self acceptance and self awareness behaviors .

 

7.Influence the self-confidence and self esteem

Music therapy is very effective with teens facing low confidence and low self-esteem issues. Music plays an important role in defining a teenager’s world. It helps to improve communication and interaction skills which in turn aid to boost self-confidence and self-esteem. It also helps an individual to pump up their cognitive abilities which in turn helps an individual to communicate and express their knowledge in a better way.

 

8.Releases Physical Strain

Music therapy enhances comfort and manages pain for people of all ages, genders and races. It works in different ways. Music therapy aids patients undergoing chemotherapy, dialysis and brain disabilities such as Parkinson’s disease to release their physical stress and boosts their recovery rate as the vibes and sounds instruments in music therapy release muscles strain,improves blood circulation and
maintains blood pressure.

 

9. Precious Skill Of Child Development

From birth, parents instinctively use music to calm and soothe children, to express their love and joy and to engage and interact. Music experiences at childhood can actually accelerate brain development, particularly in areas of language acquisition and reading skills. Moreover music therapy is very beneficial for children suffering from motor dysfunction. It can gradually improve their motor activity as instrumental tunes and drum beating in music therapy session can stimulate neurons and fine motor parts of kids. Further music therapy is a boon for kids suffering with autism spectrum disorder as the interventions can help to reduce undesired behaviors and increase more appropriate responses in kids.
10. Insomnia

Say no to sleeping pills and shake hand with a music therapist! Yes, music therapy cures insomnia. Music therapy improves sleep quality and duration and as well as reduce the amount of time it takes to fall asleep. It also lessens sleep disturbances.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 signs that you are dealing with a narcissist

by Avnie Garg, freelance contributor 

Narcissism is basically a personality disorder comprising of a distended sense of self-importance, a need for entitlement, preoccupation with grandeur, lack of empathy, intolerance for criticism etc. In this sense, narcissism is very different from self-love, self-esteem and self-care. Some of the signs of a narcissist are:

 

1) Controller

A narcissists want people and situations to be under their control. They like things going their way to avoid experiencing feelings of anxiety (yes, narcissists suffer from anxiety).

 

 

2) Self-admirer

 

Most narcissists are their own favorites. They surmise that nobody in the world can match their standards. Nevertheless, they view some really successful and rich people as their ideal; but their list may include anyone from Adolf Hitler to Elon Musk.

 

 

3) Apathetic

They are indifferent to emotions of others. They care the least if anyone is crying before them. They don’t even mind using people emotionally for their own benefit. Egotism is their slogan.

 

4) Feels superior to others

Arrogance is their swagger. They experience feelings of grandiosity and thus cannot handle criticism. They place themselves on the top of the ladder.

 

5) Needs validation

A narcissist wants others to validate his/her standpoint. The phrase “you are (always) right” is music to their ears. Even if you disagree with their opinion, they’ll make sure that you are convinced with what they say before the discussion gets over.

 

6) Irresponsible and blaming 

They do not accept responsibility for anything. Even if they do and the results don’t go their way, they give enough excuses to justify themselves. They may even resort to generalized or specified blaming. Example- a narcissist might say, “yes I got angry but that is because you made me so.”

7) Interrupts conversations

Narcissists cannot really bear anyone going against them or their viewpoint. During a conversation, they‘ll interrupt you the moment you speak something opposite to what they believe in. They expect you to comply with whatever they say.

 

 

8) Belittles others

Many narcissists are sadists; most of them get a kick out of disparaging others. They are pretty confident about themselves and don’t hesitate to criticize others at their face.

 

9) Thinks she/he is not a narcissist

Most of the narcissists, shy or outgoing, have a hard time believing the fact that they actually are narcissists. Ironically, a narcissist often believes that she/he is really good at heart and empathetic towards others.

 

10) Has a history of bad relationships

They have had romantic relationships which ended up as a disaster. Also, their professional life would have been quite messy. Simply, they cannot handle any kind of relationship well.

 

 

After you identify that the person you are dealing with is a narcissist, you need to accept his/her limitations and try to be compassionate. Devise some ways to express your own self-worth. Give only sincere compliments and comply only when you want to.

 

 

7 lessons I learnt by looking back at my teenage

by Komal Sharma, Freelance Contributor

 

Quite early in our life, based on hit and trial encounters with our environment we subconsciously start to settle ourselves on a particular approach towards dealing with situations we face in life. More often than not, it becomes our default system in how we manage ourselves in contextually similar situations. there are 7 such patterns that I have identified which help me to take a step-back from the situation I am in and look at it objectively. I use this to reflect, and to address it later;  in a healthier and more progressive manner.

 

1. Attachment style

All of us either have a secure or an insecure pattern in which we inter-personally attach to our family, partner, authority figure, subordinate etc. Every time we feel fearful, anxious, overwhelmed to an extent that it shuts down our normal functioning, it is time to be conscious of rapid changes in our bodily and psychological dynamics. Mostly we will find ways of dealing with this in the retrospective analysis of situations that aroused similar emotions within us in the past.

Mantra I follow: Identify problem area -> Detach from your maladaptive approach -> Critical identification of a better response –> And finally; mindful responding

2. Teach them how to love you and learn how to love them

“I don’t think it’s their mistake, maybe I cannot be loved”
“My partner is trying so hard but I don’t feel loved”
“We are happy, but not in love, not like ‘it was before”

We all have been there with our parents, friends, partners and others in our inner circle. It is a two-way process – come a little closer to them, try to reveal your held-back ways of receiving  love, hold out your arm when you need their re-assurance, the chances are that you will end up feeling better about your relationship with them. To have a ‘childish’ conversation of what you need and how you need it is radical in creating foundation of a secure relationship. Let there be nervousness of how they might react, but for that conversation to culminate into a fruitful conclusion, both the sides must yearn to know, share and cultivate the bond.

3. Sometimes give, give, give, and let go

Are you chasing a void of never realizing the outcome you ferociously set out to achieve?
Are you feeding the void with a lack of self-esteem born out of already having put in so much without having anything to show for it?
You are attached to a void that does nothing but disturb your mental peace
This void may be because of a person, desire, any interest or pursuit for which you have not only extended your abilities but also stretched yourself off limits; but without giving it enough time to give you back. Relax. Let go of your troubles. Let life unfold.

4. Pay attention to your emotions

Emotions need expression but more than that, they need articulation. If suppressed, they eventually leak through cracks; jeopardizing our work, relations, health and more.
Have you not had a moment when a friend starts talking in an odd and unexpected manner, and you’re just wondering what went wrong at your end?
It may be just that they had a heated exchange at the office, or they are just plain hungry. A psychological exercise as described by Dan Siegel may be helpful in such a situation– ‘name it to tame it’. If you are able to sit with the emotion and pass it through you while expressing through verbal, written, or kinesthetic modes, you have mastered your mind!

5. To be sensitive is bold

Only brave-hearts can endure paying detailed attention. It understates that they care and are willing to go an extra mile to understand. From slight changes in the immediate environment to energy draining human personalities, they are alert. This helps them to stay away or foresee a conflict and develop meaningful relationships which serve growth at both ends.
A sensitive person naturally evaluates the mood and accordingly, in a non-taxing manner is able to put forth their response. It is a skill highly regarded if you’d like to make most of ‘now’.

6. To be assertive is freedom

We often find difficult to communicate what we want or think is right, and it is arduous to even do that when we are not used to standing up for our needs. To be assertive is to put your own will with due respect and consideration which is critically reasoned well.
Assertiveness is the wisest of personal qualities any person can develop to express effectively. It is an integral element of communication style which improves relation to self (confidence & satisfaction for being heard) and others (self-worth & earned respect for managing emotions). The most powerful assertion is to say ‘No’ without pulling wrong chords.

7. Develop your night time routine

We all have heard about morning routines but little to no emphasis is given to a night routine. We wake up with the mood we sleep with – why not develop a regime that works for us?
It’s natural to witness events in our life beyond our control when there is awfully much to absorb all the time. A night routine which can be combination of few activities like reading novel or quotes, meditating, sipping an organic drink, reflecting on the present day, or reckoning to-do list for next day and more. You are a winner if you bring the agency of your life back before tomorrow starts-off!

8 Ways to stop overthinking

By Kritika Joshi, Freelance Contributor 

 

“To think too much is a disease.”
– Fyodor Dostoyevsky

What is holding people back from the life they truly want to live and enjoy? That one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much. Overthinking is equally deliberate as it is common. Here are 8 ways to stop overthinking-

Notice when you are overthinking-

overthinking nuclear explosion GIF by franciscab-downsized_large

Before you understand how to cope with your habit of overthinking, you need to learn to be aware of when it is
happening. Awareness is the seed of the change you want to make. Once you notice that you are overthinking you can stop yourself from getting lost in the thought.

Keep yourself busy-

rainbow thinking GIF by James Thacher-downsized_large

One main reason you overthink is that you have the time to do so. Keep yourself busy. Be active throughout the day and tire your body out, so that you have no time left for the over analysis. Not one day can be fruitful if more time than necessary is allowed for aimless thinking.

Change your mind-

Animation Overthinking GIF by Chemical Sister-downsized_large

Distract yourself into happiness once you feel that you are falling prey to overthinking. Sometimes it is helpful to have a way to distract yourself with happy, positive, healthy alternatives. Things like meditation, dancing, exercise, learning an instrument, drawing, painting can distance you from the issues enough to shut down the over analysis.

Sleep-

night sky art GIF by Chemical Sister-downsized_large

Sleeping is like pressing the reboot button on your mind. When you haven’t slept you become more vulnerable to overthinking. Get plenty of good quality sleep. Sleeping leads to a fresh mind which disrupts the complex web of overthinking. Listening to some good music may help to get a good sleep.

Practice mindfulness-

Overthinking Power Starz GIF by Power-downsized_large

It is an activity where one focuses on the present moment without judgement. As the obsessive, worrying thoughts come in; you acknowledge them and then let them go, energetically release them clearing your space. One of the biggest struggle is the ability to live in the present moment. Control what you think.

Use positive daily affirmations for anxiety-

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Affirmations are statements that help you overcome negative thoughts. Some good affirmations for anxiety are- “I have the power to decide what I will think about. My thoughts do not control me”; “I refuse to allow my imagination to show me disastrous future.” Use these affirmations daily to stop negative thoughts of overthinking.

List your thoughts down-

thinking think GIF-downsized_large

 

Make a list of things that are troubling you down. Keep a diary of things that are troubling you. Jot down all the things on your mind every day. Go over what you have written; try to deal with the thoughts yourself. Ask for advice if you are finding it difficult to deal with things by yourself. Ask for advice if needed.

Realise that no good can be achieved by overthinking-

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Overthinking may lead to excessive worrying, anxiety, panic, fatigue, inability to concentrate, muscle tension, digestive disorders etc. There are more cons of overthinking than its pros. Overthinking leads to no good and may lead to severe health issues. Nothing can be achieved by overthinking. You cannot predict the future, and thus should not waste your efforts on stressing about things.

7 ways in which we delude ourselves

 

by Ridhi Murari, Freelance Contributor

 

Resistance stems from a deep and intense struggle between wanting to change and wanting to hold on to our habitual patterns of reacting, emoting and behaving; more often than not in a desperate attempt in protecting ourselves from facing our demons. When we actually confront a problem which is seen by us as unmanageable or difficult we fall into a pattern of deluding ourselves; here are 7 ways in which we do that:

 

 

  1. Publishing Odd Future GIF-downsized_largeREPRESSION When we forget things we find unpleasant, it is called repression. We all have incidents that shake our core from within, hitting us with the impact of a physical blow. This is where repression comes in. The thoughts that flow through our minds in this stage are typically, “Oh, I’m so mad at her that I can actually pick up a matchstick and burn her in hell, oh God, how did I become so violent? Let me not think of her this way. “

 

 

 

  1. sad love and hip hop GIF by VH1-downsized_large            SUPPRESSION- When one is aware that a particular feeling, thought, or want has made way into ones consciousness and yet they make a deliberate effort to not dwell on it―one, by not thinking about it (internally) and two, by not acting on it (externally). for eg a wife may be peeved about her husband’s behavior but because of some guests around her, she may control her reaction at that time. But one should also be aware of the possibility that these impulses and thoughts might make way again, and that they will need to be dealt with at the time that they do.

 

              

 

               

  1. world series no GIF by Brett Eldredge-downsized_large           DEPRIVATION- He has it and I don’t and the endless discourses on how the world is an unfair place to live in which follow; such comparison is inevitable, someone has the intangibles we want. This deprived state leads to complaining, resenting, and dwelling in a spiral of negativity and eventually, being exhausted by the process, seeking refuge in a sea of optimism through any means possible. PS- Beware of over-enthusiastic people, it’s often a reversal of the deprived state that makes them overjoyed.

 

 

 

  1. Brendan Fraser What GIF-downsized_large                   AMBIGUITY INTOLERANCE- “But you have to tell me what do I do next?” “If I knew what to do why would I come to you?”; to avoid those uncomfortable situations of awareness, reflection and introspection, we would do anything in the world for another being to dictate the steps of our life so I can later blame them for all of it. The degree to which an individual is comfortable with uncertainty, unpredictability, conflicting directions, and multiple demands. In essence, tolerance for ambiguity is manifest in a person’s ability to operate effectively in an uncertain environment.

 

                                                                                                                                                                              

  1. like GIF-downsized_large                                         INERTIA- “Okay, let’s do one thing since I’ve tried everything from my end, there is nothing more I can do so let it be. This is my fate and destiny, so what’s the point?”. This is the world of the inertia, of people who have given up and entered the realm of learned helplessness. The psychological meaning of the word “inertia” implies an indisposition to change – a certain “stuckness” due to human programming. It represents the inevitability of behaving in a certain way, to the extent that it may have been indelibly inscribed somewhere in the brain.
  2. routine GIF-downsized_largeROUTINE SEEKING- There are, among us, people who need to know what to do at each step. Bound by routine, they are beings who hate stepping out of their comfort zones. Change is uncomfortable for most of us, even if this resistance does not manifest itself in the form of an incessant need to stick to a staunch routine. Not that all routines are bad. We need routines, but the question is: who is the master? us or the routine.

 

 

 

7. hd GIF-downsized_largeENTITLEMENT– We all want things. But some people feel they are entitled to whatever it is they want, and they feel they deserve it all now. That can make for very difficult relationships, a lot of disappointment, and never receiving what is most important in life.