7 lessons I learnt by looking back at my teenage

by Komal Sharma, Freelance Contributor

 

Quite early in our life, based on hit and trial encounters with our environment we subconsciously start to settle ourselves on a particular approach towards dealing with situations we face in life. More often than not, it becomes our default system in how we manage ourselves in contextually similar situations. there are 7 such patterns that I have identified which help me to take a step-back from the situation I am in and look at it objectively. I use this to reflect, and to address it later;  in a healthier and more progressive manner.

 

1. Attachment style

All of us either have a secure or an insecure pattern in which we inter-personally attach to our family, partner, authority figure, subordinate etc. Every time we feel fearful, anxious, overwhelmed to an extent that it shuts down our normal functioning, it is time to be conscious of rapid changes in our bodily and psychological dynamics. Mostly we will find ways of dealing with this in the retrospective analysis of situations that aroused similar emotions within us in the past.

Mantra I follow: Identify problem area -> Detach from your maladaptive approach -> Critical identification of a better response –> And finally; mindful responding

2. Teach them how to love you and learn how to love them

“I don’t think it’s their mistake, maybe I cannot be loved”
“My partner is trying so hard but I don’t feel loved”
“We are happy, but not in love, not like ‘it was before”

We all have been there with our parents, friends, partners and others in our inner circle. It is a two-way process – come a little closer to them, try to reveal your held-back ways of receiving  love, hold out your arm when you need their re-assurance, the chances are that you will end up feeling better about your relationship with them. To have a ‘childish’ conversation of what you need and how you need it is radical in creating foundation of a secure relationship. Let there be nervousness of how they might react, but for that conversation to culminate into a fruitful conclusion, both the sides must yearn to know, share and cultivate the bond.

3. Sometimes give, give, give, and let go

Are you chasing a void of never realizing the outcome you ferociously set out to achieve?
Are you feeding the void with a lack of self-esteem born out of already having put in so much without having anything to show for it?
You are attached to a void that does nothing but disturb your mental peace
This void may be because of a person, desire, any interest or pursuit for which you have not only extended your abilities but also stretched yourself off limits; but without giving it enough time to give you back. Relax. Let go of your troubles. Let life unfold.

4. Pay attention to your emotions

Emotions need expression but more than that, they need articulation. If suppressed, they eventually leak through cracks; jeopardizing our work, relations, health and more.
Have you not had a moment when a friend starts talking in an odd and unexpected manner, and you’re just wondering what went wrong at your end?
It may be just that they had a heated exchange at the office, or they are just plain hungry. A psychological exercise as described by Dan Siegel may be helpful in such a situation– ‘name it to tame it’. If you are able to sit with the emotion and pass it through you while expressing through verbal, written, or kinesthetic modes, you have mastered your mind!

5. To be sensitive is bold

Only brave-hearts can endure paying detailed attention. It understates that they care and are willing to go an extra mile to understand. From slight changes in the immediate environment to energy draining human personalities, they are alert. This helps them to stay away or foresee a conflict and develop meaningful relationships which serve growth at both ends.
A sensitive person naturally evaluates the mood and accordingly, in a non-taxing manner is able to put forth their response. It is a skill highly regarded if you’d like to make most of ‘now’.

6. To be assertive is freedom

We often find difficult to communicate what we want or think is right, and it is arduous to even do that when we are not used to standing up for our needs. To be assertive is to put your own will with due respect and consideration which is critically reasoned well.
Assertiveness is the wisest of personal qualities any person can develop to express effectively. It is an integral element of communication style which improves relation to self (confidence & satisfaction for being heard) and others (self-worth & earned respect for managing emotions). The most powerful assertion is to say ‘No’ without pulling wrong chords.

7. Develop your night time routine

We all have heard about morning routines but little to no emphasis is given to a night routine. We wake up with the mood we sleep with – why not develop a regime that works for us?
It’s natural to witness events in our life beyond our control when there is awfully much to absorb all the time. A night routine which can be combination of few activities like reading novel or quotes, meditating, sipping an organic drink, reflecting on the present day, or reckoning to-do list for next day and more. You are a winner if you bring the agency of your life back before tomorrow starts-off!

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10 Psychological tricks that’ll help you learn better

 

by Rhythm Makkar, freelance contributor

Students these days wish to study smart along with studying hard. They hope to make the most of their study time. They also like keeping things fun and light. Here are some tricks from Psychology that can help you learn better!

  1. State Dependent Recall  chaos-3098693__340                  This is a psychological phenomenon which states that it’s easiest to recall information when you’re in a state similar to the one in which you learned the material. For example, if you’ve been attentive in your classroom, you won’t have much trouble recalling those things while giving an exam in the same classroom.
  2. Chunking :                   giphy (1)                       Learning dates, years, names and full-forms of events can be really difficult for some students. This process of taking individual units of information (chunks) and grouping them into larger units can really help those students. By separating disparate individual elements intro larger blocks, information becomes easier to recall. For example, children are taught to remember the spelling of tomorrow as tom-or-row. Phone numbers are also broken down into chunks and learnt.
  3. Self-reinforcement : 3                       Giving yourself rewards like watching a movie after completing a chapter or going out to get your favorite cheesecake after studying for a class test can really keep you motivated to study. It also makes you learn faster as you’re excited for what comes next!

4. Revision is key :                     5                                              People are advised to practice driving regularly after learning it for the first time. Ever wondered why? This is because of the “use it or lose it” phenomenon of the brain. When we practice something, that particular pathway in our brain gets strengthened and is maintained, while others are eliminated. Spaced Repetition is a learning technique that incorporates increasing intervals of time between subsequent review of previously learnt matter in order to enhance retention.

  1. Learn in more than one way:                                         7                                                                                      Multi Modal learning is a kind of learning in which something is learned in more than one way. This has been proven to make the retrieval of information easier. For example, along with reading the chapter, watching YouTube videos on the same topic will strengthen understanding and therefore the learning.
  2. Study with pictures:                                        8                                                                      Dual coding is a psychological phenomenon which states the ability of the mind to code a stimulus in two different ways which increases the chance of remembering the information. In simpler words, studying along with pictures will increase your chances of recalling the information as it will be stored not only as words, but also as images in your mind.
  3. Ask for help:                                                        holding-hands-3147067__340                                                             Vygotsky’s theory mentions the importance of working with someone who is more capable than you (in that particular context). This is called the theory of Zone of Proximal Development. This means that individuals need the help of teachers or friends who have a better understanding than them to reach their highest potential. So don’t hesitate to ask for help and grow!

8.Start with small goals:

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Achieving goals gives us a sense of confidence which in turn boosts our motivation to perform better. Setting achievable goals will help you stay positive and gradually move towards success. After all, slow and steady wins the race!

  1. Be regular:                           4                    Spacing effect is a psychological phenomenon whereby learning is greater when studying is spread out over time, as opposed to studying the same amount of content in a single session. So, it’s better to spend some time studying throughout the semester. This helps in better retention and retrieval of what’s learnt.
  2. Study more than one subject at once:books-1245690__340                 Another psychological phenomenon known as Interleaving helps improve learning. This includes mixing up different skills in a single study session. This practice is great for long term retention. This is because Interleaving requires you to constantly retrieve information and so you’re able to extract more rules and transfer them to multiple areas of learning. It’s also because in this way, learning becomes more difficult and it’s more effective when it’s challenging. Also, when you mix your study materials, you start to notice both the similarities and the differences among them which gives you a deeper understanding.